


Trust me

by Joliepolska



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Mental Health Issues, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-23 06:39:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9644744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joliepolska/pseuds/Joliepolska
Summary: After three months of being in an established relationship with Rafael, you finally have to tell him about your mental issues. Would he stay or run?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone for your kudos and support :D By the way, I was wondering how to ask some of the amazing writers here to be my beta. I really want to improve my works.

Your phone vibrated for a second. You were so busy then that you had to ignore it. Only some minutes before you leave for a quick lunch you saw the missing call that you wouldn't dare to miss. Rafael. You called him back immediately.  
-Handsome -you said before he could say anything.  
-Hola cariño, how has been your day so far?  
-Busy as hell. That's why I didn't answer the phone. Sorry about that.  
-You don't have to apologize niña. What are you doing when you get out of there?  
-Nothing really...  
-Let's go for a drink. My treat.  
-Can't wait.

After you hang up, you couldn't avoid a deep sigh. You were in love, so in love of that man. You always thought that that kind of feeling was corny. Ridiculous even. But since the minute you met him, he completely got you. Going for a drink. You didn't drink. You couldn't if you were under medication but you were so happy with just looking at him. Besides, it wasn't only a drink, or only a movie, or only a dinner. It was never only that. At the end, you both always ended in bed. 

You met him at the bar. It was around his office. He had a scoth already and smiled when he saw you. You kissed him with enthusiasm and love and tasted the trace of alcohol in his tongue. He moaned lightly at the sensation. Yup. You were going to sleep together again. And for a second you thought you couldn't wait.  
-So niña, what are you drinking?  
-Only a lemonade, thanks.  
-Are you sure?  
-Yes. I can't drink because of the medication.  
-A flu? -he asked and placed his hand on you forehead.  
-No... I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a year ago.

At first, you felt the words coming out of your mouth easily. You felt so comfortable with him that you didn't think that could be wrong. But a second later you regret. Of course you regret. You had a mental disease. That was a fact. Suddenly you got up and went to the bathroom. What had you done? Not everybody is ok with people with these kind of issues. For many people talking about a mental disease it would be like if you were almost unconscious, tied to a tree because you could harm other or yourself. Almost an addict because of the pills you had to take to be functional.

A knocking at the door interrupted your thoughts.

-Are you alright niña? -Rafael asked.

And then you imagined the worst. He would apologize and tell you that he had to be early at court so he wouldn't sleep with you tonight. He would stop calling you and slowly he would forget about you. You shoke your head. No. Not him. Not Rafael Barba.

-Sorry -you said after you got out of the bathroom.  
-Are you alright?  
-No... not really... I... I don't know why I told you that.  
-I want to believe that is because you trust me. 

You looked at him. Really looked at him, looking for a trace of rejection in his beautiful green eyes, but you found none. He didn't look at you any diferent.  
-I do. I do trust you.  
-Then my goal is accomplished -he said and smiled -so, what do you say if we get out of here? We don't have to drink anything at all.  
-Are you sure?  
-Come on niña, let's go to my place -he said and took your hand.

Once you arrived at his apartment you told him about your situation. How terrible were the panic attacks, the anxiety, the insomnia, the shaking in your hands and voice and that dreadful feeling that you were sure you couldn't smile ever again or even get out of bed. And he listened to you with attention. He asked you stuff like how could he help, how to behave in that situation, how to make you feel better. And your heart melted at his words. How could you imagine for a second he would run away from you? Rafael wasn't a coward. He fights for what he wants. And you know for sure that he wants you.  
-Why didn't you tell me about this before?  
-There's not a right moment to tell you about this. It's not something I'm proud of.  
-And it shouldn't be something you have to be ashamed either.  
-I guess I never saw it that way. Luckily you are here.  
-And we're doing our best to make this works. 

And then he kissed you. Kissed you with the abandon he showed your first night together. He lead you to his bed.  
-Niña, deja que cuide de ti.


	2. Little Red Riding Hood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's always easy to understand until you actually live it.

You woke up early, it was almost 6 am, and felt Rafael's arms around you. He was still sleeping and you smiled softly, remembering last night.

-Niña, deja que cuide de ti.

After he said that he pulled down your dress zipper, kissing your back and neck. You laid down on your back and he kissed your lips with passion and tenderness at the same time. He caressed your face and took your dress off slowly, running his fingers through your skin. He loved doing that, looking at you completely naked meanwhile he was fully dressed.

-You'll be fine cariño -he whispered against your cheek.  
-Rafael... -you answered, caressing his cock.

You sat in bed and took his shirt off, then his pants and boxers. The scene had a special beauty, you both naked, sitting in the middle of the mattress, kissing, whispering each other's names.  
-Mi amor, you're so beautiful -he said, almost sighing before he entered you.  
-I want you so much, Rafael...  
You both moaned at the same time when he was fully inside you. His thrusts were slow, gentle, and you hugged him, trying to pull him closer to you. He caressed your thighs, ribs and back. Then he ran his fingers down to rub your clit slowly and kissing your neck. You arched your back at the sensation and screamed his name.  
-Rafi, I'm so close...  
-Don't wait for me niña.

Then you came and that was all he needed to orgasm seconds after you. He held you closer in your ecstasy.  
-God, you're so amazing in this -you said panting.  
-Maybe because you're the only one who can turn me on like this.  
You laughed, no way you were going to believe that.  
-Don't say that.  
-I mean it.  
-You're gorgeous. Dozens of women must be crazy for you.  
-I'm only interested in you, niña. And don't underestimate yourself. You're gorgeous as hell. I've never wanted a woman like I want you.  
-Really?  
-Let me prove it.

And then, he made love to you again, until you both came and fell asleep.

When you woke up, it was still dark and he was sleeping. He said he understood. Obviously he hadn't seen any crisis yet. It's easy to understand something like that, until it hits you right in the face.

He would find out soon.

"Breast cancer"  
You heard that from one of your dearest aunt. She was diagnosed and she would start her treatment. You were quiet but at the same time you could hear your heart beating inside your head. For the next weeks, you try to stay calm, but the anxiety attacked you one night.

Suddenly you woke up at the sensation you were falling from bed. Your breathing was short and fast. The darkness was all around you and you felt an unexplainable pain mixed with fear. The feeling of a bunch of insects running through your skin invaded you. You start to cry softly, trying not to wake up Rafael who was sleeping next you. You should get out of bed but you couldn't move.   
-Cariño, what's wrong? -asked Rafael when he realized you were crying.

You couldn't answer either, you just sobbed, hugging your knees and burying your face in your hands.  
He hold you against his chest and ran his fingers through your hair.   
-It's ok cariño, your aunt will be ok.  
You've told him a couple of days ago about your aunt's disease and now you have a panic attack. You had been calm all this time until you crumble. It was just matter of time, you knew yourself, but in other times, you just had to deal with it. Crying alone in your bedroom, feeling miserable and sad, and scared. Scared above all.  
Tonight was different. The sound of Rafael's heartbeat was soothing you, his fingers were caressing you, his voice calmed you and his arms made you feel protected and safe. You cried until you felt better, it never had happened this way before. Usually you cried until you get tired and fall sleep again. The next day your eyes were red and you felt worse than ever.

Not this night. Rafael wasn't going to let that happen.  
When you were calm, you realized he was still holding you. You looked at him.  
-Do you feel better?  
-Yes. I'm sorry.  
-Hey, don't do that. Don't apologize for this with me. Not now. Not ever.

A couple of tears ran down your face. He kissed your forehead and you hugged him like if he was the only boat in the open sea.  
-Is this because your aunt, isn't it?  
-I thought I was fine. But I'm worried. What if she dies? What if she can't take the treatment?  
-You and your family are supporting her now. All of you are doing everything in your power to help her. She knows that and, beyond the treatment, the doctors and the drugs, she needs her family with her. And you're with her. Don't think any further. It's not up to you.   
-I know you're right but...  
-You're worried. I understand. She's your aunt and you love her. She knows that.

He kissed your hair, your temple and then laid you back in bed with him. You were on his chest. His heartbeat was really soothing, his breath was incredibly relaxing.  
-I'm fine now. Thanks for understand.  
-Anytime niña. You know that.   
-With all this I haven't asked you about your work lately.  
He smiled. You wanted to change the subject and it would be better. He wasn't going to push you.  
-It's alright. As always. You know, these guys never take a break.  
-Well, otherwise you would be bored as hell.  
-You know, when I couldn't sleep, abuelita told me a story.   
-A story about what? -you asked, caressing his chest.  
-About this little girl who lived in a far away village. She always was wearing this red hood.  
-Is this Little Red Riding Hood?  
-Have you heard it? -he said with a fake amaze. Of course you've heard it. Everyone has.  
-No -you lied -I haven't. Will you tell me?  
-Sure niña. Once upon a time...

You don't remember at what point of the story you fell back to sleep, but he didn't let you go the rest of the night. The next morning, you didnt' feel miserable or sad. You felt strong, protected and calm. Once again, Rafael kept his promise: Taking care of you.

**Author's Note:**

> Deja que cuide de ti - Let me take care of you
> 
> To be continued!


End file.
